"After the unexpected drowning death of Pop, Kelloggs has announced that they have hired veteran cereal actor, Drag, to join Snap and Crackle as the Rice Krispies mascots. Drag recently starred as mascot for the failed frozen tv dinner, "Bacon Bits and Cigarettes".
"Veteran cereal actor Drag died today when he was accidentally shot on the set of a commercial. First time director Blass Tee was arrested on charges of negligent homicide and poor taste in formal-wear."
"The investigation into the shooting death of Drag continued today. BlastT, in a swarn statement, told police that he was using the men's room, when a large, cartoonish shoe tapped him on the foot. Although he didn't see the occupant of the neighboring stall, he says the footwear was unmistakenly Drag's. He claims to have left for lunch upon leaving the restroom, and last that Drag was seen was in his trailer resting.
In other news, Drag is being implicated in the drowning death of Pop."
"The Minneapolis Police have reported that Blass Tee has been put on suicide watch after he was found racing around his cell in circles screaming 'The party is over! The party is over! There won't be any hassle!'
"Also, actor Robert Blake has been arrested as a suspected accomplice in the drowning death of Pop, and it is quite possible that he and Blass Tee will hang side by side."
"Reports are now surfacing that just hours before he drowned, Pop was spotted in a bar fight with Robert Blake and Phil Collins, who'd accused him of shooting dirty pool. Blake was heard shouting 'I'm Barretta, dammit!'
"In related news, Blass Tee has decided to represent himself in court because, and I quote, 'It's going to take someone of true genius and taste to get me outta this one.'
"Assistant D.A. Jack McCoy was overheard stating, 'That Ukranian bastard's going down'."